(Some) Men are Shallow Too

Hoes, gold-diggers—“Some women would rather be a rich man’s slut than a poor man’s queen”– “She only mess with dudes that got money”– either way you put it, this describes a woman that lacks depth and is only concerned with material things and outward appearances, someone that is shallow. In my years of dating I’ve come to realize that some men are just as shallow. The only difference is that it’s not about a woman’s car, salary or home, it’s about her legs, lips and hips.

I used to think a man taking me places meant that he wanted to spend time with me. In my years of dating I’ve come to realize that some men are as shallow as they say women are and that being out with them is sometimes about you making them look better. Don’t ever think that your long hair, clear skin, plump butt and expensive perfume are not welcome around men. They don’t have to give a crap about you to have you in their circle making them look better.

I’ve had conversations with women that were stumped, dazed and confused as to why a man that they were seeing never wanted to really get to know them or spend quality quiet time together, but they had no problem taking them out and having them on their arm. Duh! That’s where the term “Arm Candy” came from. It’s not about you, it’s about them. Just like your dress would look better with those YSL pumps than the Steve Madden shoes you have, he will look better with you than he would without you because you look good.

In today’s society looking good is an asset. A certain rhythm in your step, the way that dress fits your body, how your hair drops and the accessories you choose to wear with that dress make a difference in someone’s impression of you and the man that you’re with.  Notice I’m saying looking good–not pretty. Pretty is everywhere, looking good has more to do with the way you carry yourself than anything else and it’s more unique to you as an individual.

If you’re perfectly fine being on his arm and nothing else, more power to you! That works better for some people. But if you’re in this situation and want a relationship, you’re fooling yourself. A relationship in which you see a man only at restaurants, malls, clubs and hotels is not a relationship at all. He’s not losing or feeling anything by your presence, he’s gaining the swag that comes with you. Don’t allow yourself to be used to enhance someone else’s image. Instead, give your time to someone that will make the image you have of yourself better. Candy doesn’t belong on a man’s arm.  It belongs covered on the dozen strawberries he has delivered to your office just because he thought it would make you smile.


Adia Kamaria


Published by Adia Kamaria

Adia Kamaria blogs at adiakamaria.com and is the author of two books: the novel Ana’s Magic and the memoir Yellow Tulips & Red Buses. Adia holds a Bachelor’s in Business Administration from Florida International University and a Master of Arts in Marketing Management from Middlesex University, London.

3 thoughts on “(Some) Men are Shallow Too

  1. That’s deep. I can’t help but to agree with you and salute you for your realistic statements. It use to be a time when some women wanted a king or a baller just to enjoy the lifestyle that came with money and fame. The game has definitely switched. These days many men carry a woman as jewelry or a luxury ride.

    I feel as long as as she is aware of her place with him then its cool but if not then he has lots of explaining to do because that is disrespectful. Its almost almost like having a video vixen, or hip hop model without paying for the vixen or model.

    It also sucks how he wants to give you attention because you are naturally an attention puller. Somewhere in his moves he pulled a couple flaw cards.

  2. @dafrontporch: Thanks! I had this article for a while before posting. I wondered how other people would take it. I didn’t know if anyone would understand where I was coming from, looks like you did. Like you said, if she is aware and more importantly, comfortable with her place then there’s no problem.

  3. But for some reason that’s the ones y’all want. A dude who feels he can have every woman he wants don’t have time to be a shoulder for you to cry on. He don’t have time for sensitivity, there’s too much being thrown in his face. LOL. And if he wasn’t getting action before that career or money, he’ll look at every woman after that point as a gold digger, because they wasn’t flocking as hard before.

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