The Gray Area

Drake probably said it best on “Doing it Wrong” when he said “We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together, but we sure make it feel like we’re together…” My generation, the so-called Them-Geners (people who were born in the 80s and grew up in the 90s) by author Tim Sanders, an expert in corporate social responsibility. According to Sanders, we are a generation of people who care more about others than we do about ourselves. That may be true in terms of humanity but in relationships a more fitting title would be Me-Geners because in modern-day dating so many of us are concerned only with me, myself and I, so much so that dating rarely turns into an honest, solid relationship.

It starts out great, there’s chemistry, affection, fun, a friendship starts to build then they do something or you do something that changes the course of things. Now one of us has doubts but we’re still not completely over each other so we keep seeing each other, going on dates, sex becomes casual and neither one of us wants to see the other with someone else. You might hold back a little, maybe the other person does too. You’re not officially in a relationship, so where are you? You’re in a place called the gray area, somewhere in between a relationship and bullshit. A place you should never want to be.

You usually don’t know when you’re entering the gray area. By the time you realize that you’re there you might feel like you’ve already invested time and love in the person so it may be worth it to wait it out and see if the situation changes. Meanwhile, you’re creating more memories with the person which makes it harder to move on, wasting more time and your swag starts to move backwards. One of you is holding on to the hope that one day…and that’s lame.

Selfishness dominates in the gray area. One person is in love and the other person wants to keep them there until they decide to commit to the other or they find someone better and they will keep you there as long as you allow them to keep you there. Let me repeat that, they will keep you there as long as you allow them to. Someone that does this is selfish. They’re not thinking about the other person or how that person may feel, their only thought is me. What they want and when and how they want it. When you allow someone to keep you in a gray area, you give them control of your emotions. That’s a step beyond giving yourself to someone in a healthy way. You’ve practically put them on the same level as God.

Some things, such as parking lot pavements, are meant to be gray, relationships are not. You have to both be in it or not, as distinct as black and white. You have to know, and by know I mean know, as in you don’t have to ask. You don’t ask questions about things you already know and relationships shouldn’t be any different. If you don’t know where you stand, you’re setting yourself up for heartache and drama.

Happy New Year! Make 2012 better!

Kisses,

Adia Kamaria

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About Adia Kamaria
Adia Kamaria, a great lover of history who is proud of her Jamaican heritage, works in marketing and public relations in South Florida. Born in Chicago, IL she grew up in Miramar, Florida. Adia earned a bachelor’s degree in business administration from Florida International University and a master of arts in marketing management from Middlesex University in London. An avid reader and writer, Adia has published two books thus far: the novel Ana’s Magic followed by the memoir Yellow Tulips & Red Buses, which recounts her interesting experiences living and studying in London as a thirty-something single woman.

8 Responses to The Gray Area

  1. Monica says:

    Well said!

  2. I definitely agree with you Adia. I think sometimes we as women are to blame for the Gray Area, for instance. Tammy meets a great guy, they start going out and spending a lot of quality time together.There is definitely some chemistry between the two. However Tammy makes the mistake of telling john that she just wants to “Keep it Casual, No Strings attached”. I’m all for being honest, but a women needs to be very careful of what she ask for.Several months have passed, and tammy and john have been doing things as if they were in a relationship. As soon as tammy decide to change the agreement, John “says we already act like a couple so what will be different”. I think if your going into something like that, then you need to be in full control. Some of us give away so much of ourselves and receive nothing in return… This statement has nothing to do with materialistic things. Bottom line is whatever you tell a man, your are going to get that and nothing more.. because in his mind you are the women he’s been waiting on, the one that doesn’t expect or believes she’s worth more

  3. Loretta Scott!!!! says:

    Standing ovation!!!!! Well said Adia!! Well said

  4. Interesting nonetheless…. However, I think a lot of being in the gray area is tied to the fact…. We are just not asking the right questions from the beginning. Instead of seeing if there substance off top in a relationship. we allow are selves to subject to 1. going to moves on dates 2. going out to dinner and opening up conversations about everything and little about things that truly matter. When in actuality if we talked more on things that really matter. We would be able to save ourselves from a lot of wasted time…. I would rather be called weird of different for asking100 purposeful questions that deals with the inner and outer core of who I am and who she is and have her think I’m to intense or serious; then to spend hundreds of dollars on a relationship that you know emotionally is not heading any where…. Just my inner thoughts…. So the question is now what is the creative solution???? Live Life

  5. AdiaKamaria says:

    Thank you all for your comments! @clmccutcheon410: We (women) are most definitely to blame.

  6. Ernie Saunders says:

    Wow that’s all I can say or need to say wow

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