Is the Chase really that Thrilling?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told that men like a challenge in a relationship. If you make yourself too available he’ll take you for granted. If you want a man to stay interested in you, you have to act like you’re not interested in him. If you call him first you’ll seem desperate. From movies to books, pop culture has engrained this message into the minds of women across America.

I understand that there may be something thrilling to men about “chasing” a woman and that men are hunters by nature with women as their prey, but to what end? At what point do men look at a woman’s actions, such as always being available to them as genuine care and concern and not vulnerability? This isn’t a playground or a high school hallway where a boy likes a girl and he picks on her for lack of a better way of getting her attention or a girl sends a note asking a boy if he likes her.

We are adults. Call me crazy, but at twenty-nine years old I show a man that I love him in the natural way given to me, by being there whenever he needs or wants me, calling just to check on him, providing a home-cooked meal, and lending my support in every way necessary. Why is a woman “needy” if she wants to spend the majority of her free time with her man? Why is she annoying if she calls again after her man didn’t return a phone call? Is she not supposed to do these things for the man she cares for? Should she wait for a ring to cook a meal? How frustrating is it to not be able to love a man the way you want to because you are worried about whether or not it will drive him away?

To be clear, I’m not saying that every man a woman dates should be showered with her affection and given the nurturing kindness that only a woman can provide. However, after dating for a few months consistently and having your feelings grow, what’s wrong with showing how much you care?

From what I’ve seen and heard recently, a woman has to ignore a man to get his attention and be unavailable for him to make time for her. It seems that the moment a man is shown that a woman is in his corner and she has his back, all bets are off, game over!


Adia Kamaria


Published by Adia Kamaria

Adia Kamaria blogs at and is the author of two books: the novel Ana’s Magic and the memoir Yellow Tulips & Red Buses. Adia holds a Bachelor’s in Business Administration from Florida International University and a Master of Arts in Marketing Management from Middlesex University, London.

11 thoughts on “Is the Chase really that Thrilling?

  1. This is exactly what i am feeling right now! why is it because I show my affection I am now no fun? But if i behave like I dont care and act like a b&tch then i get attention?! Go figure! You totally hit this one on the head for me today!

  2. Omg! finally someone is thinking exactly like me I have always thought the same way! That chasing thing is overrated and outdated! Strongly agree 🙂

  3. It seems the rules have changed and neither side have received the new handbook. I wonder at what point do the games end and when it will be ok to just be genuine without being considered a weak man or a needy woman?

  4. Very true! If either man or woman know what they want they should be able to tell the difference anyway. In this case the woman is more mature because men do want us to treat them that way. So people judt dont know how to respond to what they claim they’re looking for!

  5. I understand Family what your saying is sooo true there is a book that tells you want to do in which i did and it work lol its called “WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES” try reading it lol lol


  6. I was going playing this game in high school, but now I’m in my 30’s & this the still the most populuar game being played when if comes to dating like “really” I’m with u Adia came over

  7. Most men knows exactly what they want; some are just stuck in their cowardice ways and are afraid to keep it 100 with a woman. If a woman ever finds herself in a situation where she’s doing the chasing then she needs to stop and ask herself if that guy is really into her. A *grown man* that’s into a woman doesn’t play games or leaves a woman felling uncertain about their relationship. A *grown man* appreciates a woman that cares anda woman that shows him by doing all the little stuff that makes his life less complicated. We women need to start channeling our energy towards men that are appreciative of a good woman and leave these little boys alone to deal with their little playground games.

  8. Loretta Lisa Scott, I understand what you’re saying but I’m not even talking about it going as far as a woman chasing a man. This came to me after a conversation that I had with a man recently in which he told me about a woman, his girlfriend that was perfect , but he just didn’t feel attracted to her anymore because she was “too good” to him. Then I heard another man saying that his girlfriend is needy because she wants to spend her free time with him and I thought to myself that this is completely backwards. I’m just saying that from what I’ve been hearing lately it seems like the minute men are shown genuine care, they lose interest.

  9. It is so true the less u do for them the more they want to do for you. Ladies make life easier for yourself let the men cater to you and treat u like the queen you are. Feel free to reciprocate at your convenience.

  10. I think guys are not use to true affect so they go after women who play the highschool games. I for one don’t like headcases. AS you get older you don’t want to be stressed out in a relationship. That is suppose to be the best thing in your life(if you are in one) not something that you need aspirin for.

  11. Speechless….# “To be clear, I’m not saying that every man a woman dates should be showered with her affection and given the nurturing kindness that only a woman can provide. However, after dating for a few months consistently and having your feelings grow, what’s wrong with showing how much you care?” AK

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