I spent the weekend with a girlfriend. As always, girl talk involved men and relationships. At one point in the conversation I said something about someone who I regard as my heart, even though what we have right now is at best a complicated situation. She asked me how I could feel something so strongly for someone who isn’t committed to me. Don’t I feel like he thinks that I’m not good enough to commit to? Commitment meaning marriage. No, I don’t think that. I think that I enjoy the time we spend together and I value his opinions.
Then she asked if I compare other people to him. It’s not that I compare people to him. I compare the way I felt with him to how I feel when I’m with someone else. I want someone to make me feel the way he does. We don’t miss people because of their hair, smile or legs. We miss the way they made us feel. It’s what we call having chemistry with someone. Then my friend said, “Well, I’ve learned that all the chemistry in the world means nothing if that chemistry isn’t committed to you.” That made me think. Is it more important to have the pleasure of good chemistry with someone or the security of commitment? Would you rather be happily up in the air with someone or committed to someone who you don’t have chemistry with? Isn’t the latter settling? What good is security in an unhappy situation?
What’s the purpose of a relationship? Is it an exchange of support, companionship and trust in each other? Or is it simply a commitment with no regard for the way two people interact with each other? And what about a commitment from someone makes a relationship secure? Just as people get married, they get divorced.
I wrote a post about two years ago called ‘The Grey Area’. I was saying that there needs to be clarity in relationships, they need to be either black or white. Now I’m seeing just how grey relationships are. Committed or not, they are complicated. Our emotions are like your body jumping out of a plane. Once you’re going down, you can’t stop. You either glide with the help of your parachute (in a relationship your partner is the parachute) to a nice and easy landing or you crash to the ground breaking bones in the process. Either way, once you jump there’s nothing that guarantees how you will land. At least I think so. I’ve never jumped out of a plane before.