Hard Knock Wife

If you’re single, in your late twenties or early thirties, have a decent  job and you carry yourself well, you probably get asked why you’re not  married or in a serious relationship all the time. If you’re anything like me you hate that question and the “something must be wrong with you” look that usually comes after it. A man once asked me why I chose to work and be single instead of being a housewife. Excuse me, who told you that I chose this?

Excluding the SATC Samantha Jones types, women do want to be married or in a serious relationship. The reason that some women aren’t really is because something is or was wrong with them. It’s sad to admit that the problem that a lot of women have comes from the woman that was supposed to love and guide them―their mother.

I know too many women that were forced to become women way too fast because of their mother’s selfishness. Try being eighteen years old and coming home to an empty house because your mother decided to up and move to another state on a whim or suddenly becoming the bread winner of your household at twenty years old, responsible for all the bills in the house that you share with your mother.

It becomes difficult to find something in common with a young man your age when he is living at home, going to college and has the full support of one or both of his parents while you’re worrying about how to keep your lights on and college is just not an option. At that point men aren’t for sharing or building a relationship with, their purpose becomes what they can do for you, when and how. Life’s innocence is lost― bitterness, anger and confusion set in and it’s all downhill from there. That bitterness, anger and confusion stays with women until they realize it and do something about it. And that is the “something” that is wrong with some women.

Some mothers seem to think that when their children reach a certain age the roles somehow reverse. Women that do this to their daughters have their own issues that make them unable to recognize the damage they’re doing. There are enough things to worry about when girls are making the transition to women. Mothers shouldn’t be giving their daughters extra hard knocks. We often hear about the importance of children having a father in their life for emotional support  but an emotionally stable and supportive mother is just as, if not more important.

I don’t know about women raising men with no male figures, but I believe that a single woman can raise a girl to be a phenomenal woman if she herself is emotionally stable and remembers what her role is. One of the most thought provoking things I’ve ever read is a paragraph in a book called Women Have All The Power, Too Bad They Don’t Know It, by Michael Lockwood. It says:

“Although man was ordained by God to be the leader of his home, a good woman is truly the strength, the glue and the backbone that allows it to thrive. What use is a head without a strong body? Think about it. There are plenty of families who survive with shiftless husbands and wonderful wives, but how many marriages do you know that actually survive with a strong husband and trifling wife? The woman is the most important ingredient.”

Although this is speaking about the wife in a marriage, it speaks volumes to the overall role of a woman in a home. Mother’s, know your role!

I could write an entire book on this, that’s just what I might do…

Kisses,

Adia Kamaria